Whod you bang
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
