i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
try to milk me bitch
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
