Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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