I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish you could order shots online.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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