morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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