I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
