Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
