I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
