i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
