Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
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What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways