the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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