i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
