i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
