im having a threesome with these popsicles
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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