He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
