WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
