everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
