I heard we made out
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
