I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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