not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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