Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
