I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
