Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
