i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
