Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
