I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
