May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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