I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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