It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
