So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want nice things and good sex
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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