I feel great
I just peed on a car
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
