Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She announced her abortion via fbk
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
