Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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