Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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