I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
