Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
