some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize