I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
