I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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