i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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