You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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