he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
