so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
