my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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