how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
