I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
