im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Found your dick twin last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
