Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
