Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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