MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
