Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
