my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
