i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
