The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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