Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
