I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
