Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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