That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
