remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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