oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
