On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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