Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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