I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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