I murdered the dance floor call the cops
thus making me awesome and them whores
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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