i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
