Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
