I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
