we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
