my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So squirting runs in the family.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
