honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
